Breathe
by Awyr
Summary: Kakashi POV to start with. Kakashi gets sick...
1. Chapter 1

Breathe in….

Breathe out….

Ignore the urge to cough, just breathe….

God, this is pathetic. Always, _always_, I thought that I would die fighting. That I would get my name put on the hero stone.

Guess not. Who would have thought that the great Copy Nin would be done in by an illness?

Breathe in….

Is dieing always this lonely? I've been lying here for at least a day. You'd think that someone would have tried to check up on me.

Breathe out….

_Who are you kidding? You've pushed them away, ignored them. Now they're just returning the favor_.

My book has been taunting me. It's sitting on the other side of the room, on my nightstand. It loves that fact that I can't move to go get it. I don't know if I can even focus my eyes enough to read it, but it would have been nice to hold.

_Heh. Maybe they'd think I died of a massive nosebleed_.

Breathe in….

God, that hurts so much. Who would have thought that breathing required conscious effort?

Breathe out….

It's getting harder to draw a full breath. My lungs are starting to gurgle.

I wonder how Tsunande would react to my death. She might blame herself for not seeing the signs. It's not like I just got sick suddenly.

I remember when I first got diagnosed. It seemed so impossible to me, so unreal. I didn't want to train for a long time afterwards. There didn't seem to be a point. It took me a year to drag myself out of it.

I couldn't tell Obito that I didn't live while I was alive.

Breathe in….

I wish someone were here with me. Is that too corny? To have someone hold my hand, lie and tell me it'd all be okay?

Breathe out….

One of my dogs would do at this point. But I don't have enough chakra to summon Pak-kun.

I wish I was on the bed at least. The floor isn't very comfortable for extended visits.

I wonder where I'll go when I die? Not with Sensei, Rin and Obito. They all died in battle, for the good of the people around them. Maybe with my father? But I'm not choosing this, and there's no one to truly mourn my absence. I'm such a failure; maybe I will end up with my father.

My lungs are burning. I can't breathe at all now. There are lights everywhere, red and green ones. It looks like Christmas. It'd be pretty, if not for the blackness under it. I wish the noise would stop. Someone's yelling.

_Don't be mad. Don't be upset. I'm sorry, just don't be mad…_

Awyr here. No, I don't own any Naruto characters. Wish I did.


	2. Breathe in

Iruka POV

I can't believe he's this stupid. Damn you Hatake Kakashi, what the _hell_ were you thinking? Did you think that something like this wouldn't effect anyone else?

Stupid jounin. Didn't you think about how this would effect your team?

Just because it's a former team doesn't mean that they don't still care about you, bastard. Sakura's been on a personal rampage since they brought you to the hospital. Hell, she invented a new medical jutsu on the spot so you wouldn't die right there! (1) And Naruto….

Naruto's been quiet. Still. The apocalypse is officially coming, for Naruto has been sitting quietly in his chair for the past God-knows-how-many hours.

Do you know he was the one that found you? Dragged your sorry ass here? He wanted to eat ramen with you.

He missed you, you moron. He's beating himself up because he didn't know you were this sick. He's terrified that one of his precious people will die.

Didn't know you had made it on the list, did you? You've always been stupid like that.

God. How couldn't you say anything? You had just completed a mission yesterday! A _solo_ S class, at that. How could you not mention that you had TB? That was _blood_ you were coughing up, jackass!

Breathe in…

Breathe out…

Alright, I'm calm now. I've never been able to control my emotions very well. But you already knew that, didn't you?

At least I'm not the emotional retard that you are.

Jerk.

The real kicker is that you knew, and hid it. You tried to make it easier for everyone by pushing everyone away. You idiot, no one pushes _everything_ away at once without a damn good reason. You think I didn't notice? Baka.

And that, I think, is what upsets me the most. I knew something was up, but didn't know what. Had I stopped being the polite chunin long enough to be your friend, I could have prevented this. I could have told the Hokage. She's the best healer Konoha has to offer, she could have found some way to cure you.

Instead I have to deal with a quiet Naruto, and you have to lay there with a ventilator breathing for you. You look so frail…

Stupid jounin.

1) TB deteriorates the lining of the lung so that blood just goes right through the lining, and the infected person drowns to death. Sakura created a chakra barrier so that the lung wouldn't be flooded. Thus the ventilator can do the rest.

Awyr here. I'd like to say a thank you to all of you who reviewed me. You have inspired me to write more!


	3. Hold it in

Iruka POV

You really should be awake at this point. Or so I gather from Sakura's mutterings. How long is one supposed to be unconscious after nearly dieing? Is there some sort of etiquette about this sort of thing? Is it hidden somewhere in the Emily Post book of manners?

I really must get myself a copy.

_Maybe the fifth or sixth cup of coffee was a mistake._

Am I allowed to giggle at this point? I'm at the sickbed of a man I barely know, and have been here for…

How long _have_ I been here for?

By the stubble on my chinny-chin-chin, it should be tomorrow. Or today, but it's the tomorrow of yesterday, so…

_The coffee was definitely a mistake._

It was kind of the bastard jounin to nearly die on a Friday night. I don't think I can teach at this point.

Naruto should keel over any second now. Kyuubi or not, between his training and the lack of sleep, fatigue should be wearing him down.

Why does fatigue give you a headache? It's like having a fuzzy sort of hangover. Or maybe it's the caffeine from the coffee that gives the headache.

_Fatigue…I sound like a mission report_.

"My Eternal _Rival_! I, the Beautiful _Green Beast_ of Konoha has come to Encourage you in the Winter of Illness!"

...Well, shit.

_Damn bastard jounin. You get to sleep through this. _

"Gai, can you please stop shouting? This is a _hospital_." I didn't know Sakura could glare like that. It cuts right through the shiny.

Unfortunately, Gai is not at all perturbed at having his Shield of Youthful Light© dispersed.

"I have Come from my home of Restful Solitude to be here, in the Cavern of Icy Sickness and Unyouthful Stillness." Cue sparkle fest.

I do believe this is my cue to leave. I'm sure you, of all people, understand.

_Crack!_

…I didn't know Gai's jaw could actually break from a single punch.

Awyr here. I couldn't resist putting Gai in there.


	4. Holding Air

Naruto POV

Iamalinebecausetheydon'tacceptreallinessoIamaline

I couldn't stop it. Kakashi…

One of my precious people was so sick, and I didn't even notice. I should have noticed how pale you were getting, or how quickly you tired. But I didn't.

You looked like a broken doll, just sitting there against the wall.

There was blood seeping out of your mask…

And now you're here. _Damn it_, if I had noticed, I could have said something. Why didn't you?

Don't you know how smart Sakura-chan and obaa-chan are? Don't you know what great medics they are?

_Didn't you know how much everyone cares about you? _

I heard that Gai tried to wake you up. Sakura broke his jaw.

You didn't even twitch.

That was a week ago.

And now Sakura is crying. She's losing hope.

The antibiotics have done their work. Your lungs should be fine. But you're still sleeping…

Iruka-sensei wants to pull the plug. A last ditch effort. _Will you wake up when you can't breathe?_ But it's your inability to breathe that landed you here in the first place. I don't understand the logic.

Maybe Iruka-sensei wants to end this, this endless waiting. I can understand that.

But I don't know what I would do if you didn't wake up.

…You look horrible, Kaka-sensei. You're too pale, and so thin.

Tsunande-baa-chan says that is because of the atro…

Atrocious?

Atrium?

Atrophy? Atrophy! That's what it was. You'll have to train extra hard when you wake up. And you will wake up.

You always believed in me. Even when you trained Sasuke instead of me, you never stopped believing.

I believe in you.

Iamalinebecausetheydon'tacceptreallinessoIamaline

Awyr here. Thank you everyone for the great reviews! Sorry about the late update, life's been a bit hectic lately.

I did a Naruto POV. I couldn't make myself type "Believe it!" though. Hope you like the chapter.


	5. Plugs

Sakura POV

congolinesarefuntobein

I don't want to do this.

Really, truly, from the bottom of my being I don't want to do this.

I could lie to myself, and say that it is better to do this. That either outcome is acceptable, routine even.

I could say that this is what you'd want, what you'd expect.

But I know better. I know you will probably die when I do this. I know that even if you do wake up, it might  
not be you anymore.

I know that it's been too long, that this is too late even for you.

But there's nothing else to do. If I don't pull the plug, cut off your life support, your brain will simply  
atrophy until there's nothing left.

Knowledge doesn't make me feel better.

I wish I were like Naruto. He blindly believes that you'll wake up and immediately demand Icha Icha.

I'd just settle for you breathing on your own.

I almost want to let Iruka do it. He also has the burden of knowledge, and knows what would happen. But  
Konoha law states that it must be done by a medical nin.

Iruka doesn't qualify.

Why do I have to kill my former teacher?

I'm crying now. I know I am, and I hate it. I should be stronger than this. But still the tears flow.

…

I'll do it. If anyone should pull the plug, it should be me.

congolinesarefuntobein

Awyr here. I'm procrastinating doing an essay at the moment. Please read and review!


	6. And let it all

Iruka POV

wholikessonicadventures?

I can't believe that this is actually happening. Hatake Kakashi is the Great Copy Nin. Someone who, if they die at  
all, dies in a battle for the good of the village.

_Who does this help?_

Friends and acquaintances of mine have certainly died before (we live in a _ninja_ village) but none of them had their  
probable deaths _planned_.

None of the people who knew them had time to gather and witness their deaths. To even prepare for the possibility.

So why is it that there are so _few_ people here?

You'd think that a grown Jonin would have _some_ ties to the people around him; a family, or even a group of drinking  
buddies. Instead, it's just myself, Sakura, Naruto, and Tsunande.

Not even Gai showed up. (And in truth I'm only here because of Naruto)

I have to wonder if _I_ would want to wake up if I knew how few people cared for me. What an empty existence.

But all of that is about to become moot (or not) in a few moments. I see Sakura is moving to remove the breathing tubes.

I hope that he breathes without them.

I can't imagine being in Sakura's shoes right now. Instead of a patient that she has little or no attachment to, she has to  
kill her former sensei. Isn't she only supposed to make these decisions when she's older? Finished her teen years, at  
least.

Or maybe he'll live. _But what happens when Kakashi breathes…_

…_but doesn't wake up._

…She's removed the tubes.

becauseilikesonicadventures

Awyr here. Evil, ne? So…

Should he live? Or die?


	7. Breathe Out

Any POV

howaboutsoulcalibur?

After the tubes were removed, as the beeping machines were turned off, there was a great stillness. All life supports were off, and no one in the room dared to muffle any possible sounds.

The expectancy was absolutely palpable, and just….

…as…

…hope flickered…

_Breathe in…_

A single chest rose.

_Nothing exists…_

Anyone passing by that room would have thought a bomb went off.

_Except the need…_

Enthusiastic hugs and smiles were exchanged amoung the observers.

No one noticed the single eye opening.

_To gather more air…_

And no one noticed the single tear fall.

_Breathe out…_

And then they did notice.

"BAKA! What the _hell_ did you think you were doing?" A simultaneous cry came from three of the room's occupants. Beams of radiant joy came from an orange clad male.

A jaw works. The words are formed…

…and never come out.

And so quickly a pall fell over the room. For Kakashi, one of the greatest ninja in the history of all of Konoha…

Was mute.

_Breathe in…_

IliketoplaywithTalim

Awyr here. Yes, I'm re-submitting this. I decided that I need to re-do a few things. As there was a general outcry when I killed Kakashi, I'm trying to make this work _without_ this story turning into a soap-opra. Also, I'm beginning to look for pairings. Shout out a few and they just might turn up.


	8. Words

Kakashi POV

iftheydontfixthelinessoonIllsickGaionthem

You ever wake up suddenly in the wee hours of the morning, and just be completely confused as to everything that's  
considered fundamental? That's somewhat what I'm feeling right now.

Why can't I grasp words? Why can't I comprehend _names_?

I know I know these people. I know that they mean _something_. But what?

_Breathe in. Calm down. You can't control your surroundings if you're not in control of yourself_.

And all the while, they make sounds and motions with their hands. But they sound somewhat like "HykentEteck?"

Meaningless.

Is this what a newborn feels like? To so completely not understand the people around them?

No wonder they cry so often. It's so _frustrating_ to not be able to ask them to shut up.

The pink one walks up to me, and reaches towards my face. I blink, and suddenly she is on the floor across the room.

The orange one rushes to her side; the others watch me like one would watch a rabid dog. I don't understand that logic.  
I didn't do anything. Blinking doesn't throw people across rooms, does it?

_And how would _I_ have been able to do that anyway?_

The one with the big chest takes out a long needle from her clothes. I think she's going to try to sedate me. But what  
for? I didn't _do_ anything last time.

She darts for my leg, and now the needle is imbedded in the opposite wall. I feel a small push from my opposite side and  
look down.

It's the brown one. He has a needle sticking out of my leg.

_So maybe I did do something…_

AndtheywillfearthewrathofGailikenoother

Awyr here. Sorry it took me so long to update, but I had a hard time finding the right balance to keep everyone in character.

Now, I know you thought he was just mute, but brain damage doesn't really work like that. I decided against him losing _all  
_memories because that just screams "soap-opera" to me.

So anyway, after this I'm going to attempt relationships. Call out one and I'll see if I can work it in.


	9. A Different Set of Eyes

Genma POV

IthinkGaikilledthelinepeople

I knew that Kakashi was sick. All the Jounin knew. We're the ones who have been on missions with him,  
who've taken him out drinking when it all seems too much.

All of us saw the decline. We saw him grow from pale to translucent. We saw him go from slender to skinny.  
If those that hold him as a "special person" didn't know, then it's only because they didn't want to see it.

Why didn't we tell them? That's easy. We all die. Every mission, we die a little bit more.

We've seen friends and family die in droves, our lovers and sometimes our children taken from us without  
warning. In the life of a ninja, there are very few who actually choose how they will die. I thought that if  
Kakashi chose to die from this disease by not telling anyone, then that's his decision.

I think that all of the Jounins respected him enough to keep silent.

_So why didn't you go to him in the hospital?_ is probably what you're thinking. Again, simple answer. He  
wouldn't want us to. Kakashi has always been a proud person, and he would hate it if anyone saw him as  
helpless. Dying because you couldn't wake up would be just about as helpless as you could get.

As I look over at Raidou, I don't think I'd want him there if I was going to die that way.

I think even Gai has that mentality. Or so I gathered from the cries of "My most Respected Rival, how Dreadful  
you should Wither in the Winter of Unyouthful Stillness, only guarded by a Demon of Unyouthful proportions.  
I shan't Demean your Worthiness as my Closest Rival and Mourn your Passing into the Ice and Snow!"

I sometimes wonder if Gai comes with a decoder ring. A translator? Oddly enough, I think that only Kakashi and  
Lee were ever able to decipher what he was saying.

And now I'm hearing rumors that Kakashi didn't die. That he's awake again.

_Tough old bastard._

They say he woke up fighting. That Tsunande had him tranquilized.

I wonder what she said to make him pissed. Probably laid into him for not telling her that he was sick.

I'd be pissed if the greatest medic nin ever to live missed signs of serious illness, assigned me S class missions,  
and _then_ bitched at me after all was said and done. That's not an act that inspires manic loyalty in one's leader.

"What are you thinking about?" Raidou says while sitting next to me.

"Nothing," I can't keep my smile out of my tone. Raidou _always_ cheers me up.

NoonecanresistGaiatfullsparklepower

Awyr here. Look, a new perspective! Review and tell me what you think!


	10. Anger

Iruka POV

I'vebeenlisteningtoChristmassongslately

It was said that the rage of Tsunande is enough to make fully grown men cry.

It is said that the rage of a drunken Tsunande is enough to determine the outcome of battles.

But no one had ever seen the rage of a drunken Tsunande when one of her students becomes injured.

As I stare at the wreckage that was once the honorary guest quarters, I can't help but be sorry for Kakashi. It's obvious that he didn't know what he was doing; it's just as obvious that he's going to be _very_ busy when he's no longer considered a patient.

Someone has to pay for the new guest quarters.

_Thank god there wasn't anyone in them at the moment. What an international crisis _that_ would be._

I must say, though, that I'm impressed. I never knew that there were that many swearwords in existence. And such creative ones, too. I half feel like covering Naruto's ears; if he hadn't just spent the last couple of years with Jiraiya, I would have.

…

The look on both Naruto's and Sakura's faces are priceless. Their eyes look ready to roll onto the floor, and I think their eyebrows have become one with their hairlines.

And the best part of this all is that Sakura's fine. She was just knocked into a wall, and probably gets worse injuries from training. There wasn't even any blood.

_I'd hate to be there when Sakura _really_ gets injured._

Eventually, the stream of curses slow and the property damage ceases.

…And she's glaring at me.

_Eeep!_

"You go back in with him. Inform me when he wakes up." And with that imperious demand, Tsunande heads for her office.

On reflection, spending 'quality' time with Kakashi might not be the worst thing in the world.

_Especially when he's unconscious._

IcansafelysaymyroommateisconvincedI'minsane

Awyr here. w007! It's done!

Oodances for joyoO

So review and tell me what you think!


	11. Sleep

Iruka POV

Tsunandeshouldn'tgetdrunkveryoften,ne

Looking at you now makes me wonder if it really did happen.

_Did you really wake up?_

Once again you're still; the only difference at all is the lack of a ventilator. You breathe on your own. Wouldn't you be mortified to  
know that your mask isn't up? When the ventilator was here, your face was still blocked from view. Don't worry, though; by some  
strange law of nature, the covers settled just right to cover the lower portion of your face.

_Damn_. _And I didn't get a good look in all the confusion earlier._

I know several ninja who would have killed for this opportunity, and several others who would kill me for not taking advantage of it.

I don't know what idiot claimed that honor is its own reward. They've obviously never known Hatake Kakashi.

This is stupid. Kakashi isn't going to wake up for another few hours, and I have nothing to keep me occupied.

Maybe I should sleep for a bit. I haven't really slept in the last few days, and it's clearly showing in my thought process.

_Sleep is good…_

breaktimebreaktimebreaktimebreaktime

Kakashi POV

There's too much white. Have I died? Or…

_Smell of disinfectant. Hospital_. Oh.

I'll save dieing for another day. For now, however, there is someone else in the room. Whoever it is snores.

Not a good ninja reflex, that.

Looking across the room, I see one of the people that were there earlier. Looking at his face, I can't help but feel that it should be a  
different color. Red comes to mind.

With a quick body assessment, I come to the conclusion that getting out of the bed is out of the question. I don't feel like staring at him  
until he wakes up (that's just creepy), so I look around at my immediate vicinity and…

_Perfect._

shealwaysseemstodestroythingsthatcostmoney

Awyr here. Look, another chappie!

And you thought I'd leave you hanging, didn't you?

The muse has struck me, and so I write.

Anywho, keep telling me what pairings you want. And as always, review!


	12. Green

Kakashi POV

* * *

There, just outside arm's reach, was a cup full of jell-o. It's wiggly jiggle just _begged_ for it to be thrown. 

_Now, how to get it from over there to over here?_

Attempting to sit up, I think, has never been harder. I never knew so many muscles were involved in such a  
simple act. After I finally achieved the impossible, reaching for the green jell-o (1) proved to be fairly easy.  
Transporting the quivering mass towards myself proved more challenging.

But what's a gain without a little bit of pain?

With that in mind, I took aim, threw, and….

Missed. Well, damn.

The brown guy's still sleeping, and now I'm out of ammo. I'm forced to wonder if the brown guy is really a ninja.  
At the very least, how has he survived if he is one? The sounds of my moving around should have woken him  
up; the cup of jell-o hitting the wall besides him would have woken up the average civilian.

Oh well, that just makes him more fun to play with.

…The pink one is coming. The one that hit the wall.

_I hope that she's alright._

She did hit that wall fairly hard, and didn't get up right away…

* * *

Sakura POV 

Iruka was taking too long. The tranquilizers should have worn off by now, and Kakashi-sensei should have  
woken up. I know Tsunande-sensei wouldn't give me permission to go see Kakashi-sensei, so I just left. It's  
easier to beg forgiveness than ask for permission.

As I approached the room, I heard what sounded like soft snores.

_So that's why Iruka-sensei hasn't come back yet._

With a grin, I enter the room and wonder…

_Why_ _is there a green smear on the wall next to Iruka-sensei?

* * *

_

(1) Why green? Because pine-sap flavored jell-o's only role in life is to be thrown.

* * *

Awyr here. 

Now, for those that have been reviewing and complaining about relationships, remember one thing; Kakashi  
and Iruka had a loose friendship/acquaintance before Kakashi got sick. The fact that Kakashi wants Iruka to  
blush is because teasing Iruka is and was a fun pastime for a bored genius. Don't look so hard into everything.

As an aside, I don't think the storyline permits me directly pairing Kakashi with anyone just yet (Don't be mad at me…).  
So give me pairings for the other characters too, and don't count out pairings with characters that aren't there yet.


	13. Moon

You figure out the POV

lineslineslineslines

In all the time that I've watched him, I don't think that I've seen him this happy. And to think, just a few days ago  
I've never seen him so sad for so long. I don't think he realizes what an impact Kakashi-sama has on him. 

I think that I'm jealous.

The ability to effect someone, to that degree, means importance in that someone's life. I want that. Even if just a little  
bit, even if I don't deserve it, I want that with him. Does that make me a horrible person?

I think it might.

Does that thought mean that I'm going to give up? No, not at all. My wishes are too fragile to stand the light of the  
sun just yet; I won't abandon them.

Don't you dare think that I'm weak for my waiting. Don't you dare think that I'm fragile for my wish. Those that have  
never seen the blood of others on their hands, don't you dare presume to judge me. I'm sick of people judging me. I've  
been through hell, and have survived. I've faced my demons, and survived them too; surprising everyone, including  
myself.

And if there's still scars, please do not judge me for that. Scars can't be healed so simply.

I think _he_ can do it, though. I think he can heal them without realizing what he's doing. And if I could heal _him_, even just  
a little bit, I think that I can die happy.

…Don't tell him that, though. I don't think he can stand another person leaving his life, even a person as insignificant to  
him as myself. It is a sad truth to have when one lives the life of a ninja.

It's strange to think of him as fragile. He's so strong for everyone; if he dies, so will so many people, all in the places you  
can never really see. I wish the rest of the village would realize it, that they need him.

I wish he would realize how much of an effect he's had on everyone's lives.

everybodyloveslineslineslineslines

Awyr here. I'm so sorry for the late update! I've been without a computer for like, a month; before that, I was studying for  
finals. I'm so sorry! 


	14. Smarter than I look

Tsunande POV

itisnowtimeforSuperLine

Getting the brat into the MRI was difficult. Getting him to stay still while _in_ the MRI required,  
once again, the use of sedatives. But now, looking at the readings might just be the most  
difficult part.

_Aphasia. That's why he reacted the way he did, why he was so confused. Maybe some good  
old memory loss is thrown into the mix, too. Peachy._

How the hell am I going to explain this to the brat? Pictograms? The right side is fine, but the left  
side has some serious damage. We're going to need his cooperation if he's to get better.

_Of course, we can also hope for the sixth month miracle. Maybe we can wish for Orochimaru's  
head on a platter too? It's just as likely._

What about Sakura? How am I going to tell her that she didn't create the barrier soon enough,  
pull that miracle out of her ass fast enough? How can I tell her that part of his brain had already  
suffocated before the ventilators could be hooked up?

…There's nothing I can do about it now. We'll try therapy (even if we only have experimental  
stuff to go on), and if that doesn't work …

Well, let's just hope that the therapy will work. For Kakashi's sake, if not for Sakura's.

But before I contact the specialist who will be working with Kakashi, I need to get him to  
understand that the throwing of jell-o would _not_ be tolerated.

…Unless he actually hits Iruka, instead of the wall.

nanananananananananananaLINES

Naruto POV

You know, I'm really not as stupid as I look. Okay, so maybe sometimes it takes me longer than most  
to realize something; that doesn't make me stupid.

So I'm just going to say it. I know Hinata likes me. Kami knows why, but she does. And her staring  
act is getting just a _little_ bit creepy.

She _is_ getting better, I'll give her that. She doesn't stutter nearly as much when I talk to her, and barely  
fidgets at all anymore.

Maybe one day she'll find the strength to seek me out and _really_ speak to me.

Right now, I honestly can't say that I would return her feelings when she does. I don't know her yet;  
she doesn't let me know.

But if she's truely _anything_ like what I saw at the Chunin exams, then I think I could. Nothing certian, but  
the possibility is there. And that's all that's needed for hope, right?

isitadotisitasquiggleNOit'ssuperline!

Awyr here. If you couldn't guess, Hinata's the POV in the last chapter. Hinata's alot stronger than she's  
given credit for. And for the people confused about the scars, I meant _emotional_ scars. They exist. Really.

So anywho, tell me what you think about the chapter! Review!


	15. Author's Note

Author's note

Awyr here. Now, some of you seem a bit confused as to what's going on medically  
in the story.Since I don't want to have one of the actual characters explain it (I hate  
it when that happens), I'm just going to explain it here.

Hippocampus: The hippocampus is the part of the brain that is thought to encode  
memories. People with damage to the hippocampus will most likely have  
amnesia/memory loss. In Kakashi's case, he has retrograde amnesia and light  
anterograde amnesia. He didn't realize that he hit Sakura because he had no memory  
of the event; he was distracted by Iruka. Kakashi might also lose some memories of  
his immediate past (relative in decades). Unlike some other fics and stories might lead  
you to believe, there is no way to retrieve lost memories. Once the event is gone, it's  
gone. Although the facts of the event might remain.

Thalamus: The thalamus is the part of your brain located right around your ears.  
Surprise surprise, it processes almost all things in the brain requiring words; hearing,  
speech, ect. The middle part of the thalamus is also associated with memory loss, as  
it is directly over the hippocampus. Tsunande guesses that Kakashi has memory loss  
because of the location of the brain-damaged areas. She can see where the brain  
damaged areas are because of relative amounts of activity shown on the MRI scan.

Aphasia: There are two types of aphasia. Kakashi has both. That means that he can't  
form or understand words. All semantic meaning is lost. Unlike memory loss, it is  
possible for the afflicted to get somewhat better. If the person does not get better  
within a few days of the damage, there is still a strange effect that happens 6 months  
afterwards that is referred to as the 6th month miracle. In the 6th month miracle, the  
patient might make full, or at least partial, recovery. Of course, most of the time this  
doesn't happen; that's why it's a miracle.

Amnesia: There are two types of amnesia; retrograde and anterograde. Retrograde  
deals with memories lost from before the incident that caused the amnesia took place.  
Anterograde amnesia means that there no new memories are able to be formed. It is  
rarefor a patient to have just one or the other type, although it's rarely an equal balance  
ofboth. Kakashi has more retrograde amnesia than anterograde. Because of this,  
Kakashi will _probably_ be slightly OOC because events that caused a change in his  
outlook of lifemight not be there anymore. Now, people who have amnesia do not forget  
everything.They remember general knowledge (the sky is blue, for example) and they  
remember procedures (just how to shove the kunai into the back of the skull). They can  
also recognize people and things, just not consciously. (For example, Kakashi knows  
that he used to make Iruka blush. He doesn't know that he's thinking of blushing, or  
that he caused it, he just knows that it happened)

If you have any more questions in reguards to the story, please just let me know. I'm  
more than happy to clarify things for you.


	16. Resolve

Sakura POV

I'vebeendoingresearchlately

I failed.

Just when it mattered most, I failed again.

How can I face him? I can't even tell him that I'm sorry; he won't understand.  
He might not even know that there is something wrong, something very  
wrong with his mind.

How do you explain to someone that you destroyed their mind? That, sorry, I  
just wasn't quick enough, smart enough, observant enough to save you.

It was different when I didn't know the patients, when I saw them die under the  
hands of the surgeons and doctors. When they sometimes died under my hands.  
But Kakashi is different. He was my sensei, he was the one who first worked with  
me on chakra control. He's the infallible Copy Nin, legendary even before puberty.

I don't think he's going to be allowed on missions anymore; he wouldn't be able to  
understand what the mission was about. How is he going to live? He doesn't know  
any other life than that of a ninja.

His life is over. I might as well have his blood all over my hands.

Tsunande is trying to tell me that it's not my fault, but I'm not buying it. Even if it  
is true that you probably were suffering from oxygen deprivation long before you  
came to the hospital, I should have known that you were sick beforehand. I'm trying  
to be a med nin, for Kami's sake! The marks of serious illness were all over you, and  
have been for awhile.

I should have known. I should have been better. I guess I'm just not good enough.

I wasn't good enough to help you, I wasn't good enough to help Sasuke…

And I know that Tsunande doesn't blame me, and maybe Kakashi-sensei won't either.

But is seems like I'm just not meant to have precious people. Who am I going to let  
down next? Who will I kill, whose life will I destroy? Will it finally be the indestructible  
Naruto? The titanic Tsunande?

Legends brought down by a mere med nin.

_Enough of this crap! You've had your bought of misery, now get your ass into gear!  
Kakashi isn't a lost cause yet; start researching the mind. Maybe you can find a  
way to help him understand. Speaking can come later, it's the understanding of  
words that is important right now._

…That's right. Since when have I quit? I refuse to stop now because of a mistake; I'll  
just have to do my best to correct that mistake. Most of the problem with brain damage  
is that there isn't a lot of research done. I'll correct that; ninja get hit in the head all the  
time, so there should be no end to the amount of data available.

For Kakashi's sake (not to mention my own), I'll find a way.

Ifyou'relostinthemedicaltermonology,gototheauthor'snote

Awyr here. Isn't Sakura awesome sometimes? Some people drive themselves into a major  
depression over stuff like this, and end up doing nothing to try and fix the mistake.


	17. Names

Kakashi POV

it'ssnowingoutsiderightnow

_Owww…_

Shooting a glare at the evil robot-lady (who's not at _all_ attractive, by the way),  
I attempt my level best at getting away. Anyone who insists that nurses are  
creatures of compassion and mercy has obviously never been in a hospital.  
Demons, I tell you!

This particular demon is apparently fascinated with legs. Moving them, at least.  
In directions that no leg should ever be moved. For _hours_.

Of course, some of this could be retribution; I sorta kinda might've groped her  
just a little…What? She was begging for it, bending over right in front of me like  
that. Damn teasing leg-obsessed demon.

There's another one, too, that's obsessed with arms. But she isn't nearly as  
sadistic as the leg-demon. This one's _special_. And, fortunately (finally!) she  
looks like she's leaving.

Now there's nothing left to look forward to but dull tedium. Damn.

It wasn't so bad in the beginning. There were a lot of people who came all the  
time, particularly the amusing brown one and the bi-polar pink one. They were  
both a refreshing break from the nurses, and stopped some of them (particularly  
the leg-demon) from hurting me too much. Sometimes they even brought really  
good food!

There were others who came, to be sure; just not as regularly. But over time,  
even the brown man and pink girl gradually stopped coming. Now they'll come  
maybe once every two weeks or so (I can't ask how much time has passed, so  
this is a guess), and other people don't come at all.

Not that I'm lonely.

Or complaining.

It's just…so _boring_! They could've at least left me with a puzzle or something.  
I'm not so damaged that I can't _think_. And I know that they consider me to be  
damaged, even though I can't understand what it is they're saying to me. It's  
in their eyes, their postures.

I can't stand it. I might not have words, but that doesn't mean that I don't have a  
brain.

Although, lately, it's been getting a bit better. I can recognize my name when they  
say it, now. Kakashi. That's who I am. The weird sounds that make it are all mine.  
I've tried to say it, when I'm alone. Sounds come out of me, but they don't sound  
anything like the sounds of my name.

That doesn't stop me from trying, though. Not by a long shot. Because, you see…

If I can speak something, if I can make them understand that I'm in here…

Maybe they'll come back.

it'sapril,daysawayfromEaster

Awyr here. It's been a while since I've written anything (the muses deserted me!).  
This is a bit of a time skip (about 5 months). I decided that trying to write the  
in-between would be boring and frustrating.

As always, review!


	18. War

Iruka POV

writtenlisteningto.hackmusic

War is never pretty. This one is proving to be especially gruesome.  
The sky is almost literally raining bits of gore, with red rivers flowing  
away from the carnage.

_What in the world am I doing here?_

It's not quite so bad here in the bunkers; I hear it's even worse further  
up the lines. That's where they sent them, those elite of Konoha.  
That's where they sent children like Naruto and Sakura.

That's where that bastard Kakashi should be. But he's not, and I am, so  
it's up to me to look after our students. Fat lot of good I'm doing, stuck  
miles behind them.

A few months ago, Mist and Rock started attacking outlying villages. A  
week later, we were off to war. I tried to tell Kakashi what was going on,  
why no one would be able to visit him everyday. I don't think he  
understood. There's nothing I can do about it now.

I'll be back in the village soon; I'll visit him then. Apparently, teacher  
Chuunin are destined to become courier nin. I've yet to meet a colleague  
of mine that isn't used to that capacity; you'd think that they were trying  
to shelter us. Just maybe. Just hypothetically speaking.

_They think that because we teach brats instead of going on missions,  
that we're weak._ Huh. I'd personally _love_ to see a Jounin just _try _to do  
my job. Just for one day. I'm certain that he'd never have that particular  
misconception again.

Of course, there isn't a whole lot to courier; we're towards the middle, so  
a lot of the battle misses us. Chilling thought.

_Be safe, everyone_.

that'ssomereallygoodmusic

Naruto POV

abitdisturbing,though

They won't stop coming. It seems like they go on forever, without pause  
or break.

I've never been this truly exhausted before. Tired to collapsing, yes, but  
I've never been this bone-deep _tired_. I think that when the next attack  
comes, I'll sleep right through it. Plenty of nin have died that way.

I haven't seen Sakura for a while. I have to hope that the Spirit of Fire has  
seen fit to let her live; I have no chance to look for her now.

The losses have been staggering so far, especially for _their_ side. _Them_, the  
enemy, the faceless masked horde of endless god-damned _clones_! There's  
no way that all of them came from a human mother; unless there were  
thousands of pregnancies that all just _happened_ to occur at the same time.

At first we thought that they were genjutsus, illusions; there was no way  
that they could all possibly be real. Now we know better.

They cut, they stab, they bleed, they die, and their corpses _stink_. Moreso  
than a normal human's; thus my clone theory.

I know Iruka-sensei's out here, on courier duty. It pays to be close to the  
Hokage, sometimes. Although baa-chan would never admit to showing me,  
her pride being what it is. She's really a big softie, despite her tendency to  
be a violent maniac.

She's even told me how Kakashi-sensei's doing. I'm glad he's alright, even  
though no one's there with him. He'll just have to deal until we run out of  
enemy nin.

Speaking of which, there's a brand new wave coming right now. Joy.

_I just want to sleep…_

butverygoodforhavingcreativejuicesflow

Sakura POV

ofcourse,Nightwishisgoodtoo

They won't stop coming. Body after body, near corpse after near corpse. So  
many hopeful eyes look to _me_ to change the inevitable. Even when there's  
only half of a body to save, they still expect me to pull a miracle out of my ass  
and save their friend that they've known forever.

Never mind that I'm still in training. Never mind that the majority of the time  
I'm younger than they are. I'm the Godaime's own apprentice. They still hope,  
and again and again that hope is destroyed.

I haven't slept in days. When I'm not healing, I'm fighting. When I'm not doing  
_that_, I'm desperately learning new techniques. More than once, I've saved lives  
with those techniques.

I've never felt so helpless in all of my existence. Not even when I pulled the plug  
on Kakashi-sensei did I feel so drained of hope.

_Kakashi…_ I wonder how he's doing. All that's left at the hospital are the nurses  
and doctors not fit for the front lines. There's a lot of anger in those left behind;  
it wouldn't be the first time for a nurse to take her frustrations on helpless patients.  
Who's Kakashi going to tell, anyway?

The last time I saw Kakashi was a month ago. The nurses had obviously not let  
him out of the bed in a while—there were sores all over his body—and were  
reprimanded then. I can only hope that they remembered afterwards. There's little  
I can do for him right now if they're not, unfortunately. At least he's safely out of  
this mess.

I haven't seen Naruto for a while, and that worries me. I hope he's safe.

_I hope they're all safe._

planethellandcreekmary'sbloodespeciallyhelped

Awyr here. My, how a few months of war can age and mature a person like no  
other force on earth. Don't you just love character development?

Anywho, please review! They keep the muses happy.


	19. Story Resumed

If you can' guess this POV, you're not a Naruto fan

I'vedecidedlackofsleepandwritinggohandinhand

A wind flies up from the east, swirling and dancing with smoke as it  
goes. As the wind grows in strength, bits of ash and cinder swirl  
and float, black against the chill blue sky.

Smoking husks that were once great trees cover the scene, and  
shelter a shadow as black as they from view.

_Useless. They're all useless. _

One would think that out of an entire village of shinobi, at least one  
would be able to break the hypnosis. All it requires is strength of will.

Then again, ninja are bred and born to die. Having a will of one's  
own gets in the way of following orders. In which case, the corpses  
below me have merely fulfilled their life's quest a little earlier than  
most.

_Why does a child's corpse stink worse than a man's?_

Most of the young population of Konoha is down there, burned black  
bodies piled in heaps. The children were the ones who believed the  
hypnosis, the suggestion, much more than the adults. The smell really  
is terrible.

I wonder if it pierces the other's dreams.

Andthetapdancingpolarbearsgoscamperingoff

Awyr here. It's been a while, hasn't it? I've been really sick with  
something that had me sleeping 20 hours per day (and no, it's not mono).  
But I'm better now, and hopefully will be writing more chapters soon!  
(Even though this one's kind of short, even for me. ;;)


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